In a slow-moving express bus bound for Don Mills Station, I was comfortably seated in a single-seat row, but I could not stop thinking of the sense of weight on me from the document folder that I carried. I felt it was heavy — heavier than heavy. But what did it contain to be so heavy?
I was on my way home from a job fair at Scarborough Town Centre. A certificate of volunteer participation issued by the City of Toronto, a $5 gift certificate, and a gift pack — I did not know what it contained — that was all that I held in that empty folder that weighed on me.
My heart felt heavy, too. What was happening to me? Was I going to faint? Oh, no — I am not that weak, after all; I am a strong-hearted person. But, then … what was happening to me?
I was just trying to recollect — it was exactly seven months and three weeks since I arrived at Pearson International Airport where my family and I enjoyed a red-carpet welcome as independent immigrants under a professional category.
After almost three years of snail’s-pace processing of our immigration application, we had finally arrived in our dreamland. I enjoyed the snowy winter confined to the basement and in the spring I attended a series of workshops and training programs intending to learn the Canadian culture and prepare myself for my job search.
Thousands of jobs were posted on the internet, but, without Canadian experience, I just drew a blank. Now, my mind flashes back to what my immigration consultant who processed our application said to my wife and me. “Your two kids will get Canadianized in no time, but both of you will have a very tough time in Canada!” We appreciated his frank views, but, yet, decided to leave our motherland in the best interests of our two sons. We just wanted to focus on their education. That was that.
Then why should my heart feel so heavy now?
I volunteered for the first time in Canada at the job fair. My first Canadian experience! At least, the certificate that I carry in the folder says I have Canadian work experience, and that $5 gift certificate is in one way my first form of earnings in Canada — after all, it has its own monetary value and purchasing power. But what did that opportunity cost me? The entire life savings that I expatriated to Canada have virtually been depleted. And, after seven months and three weeks, I have drawn a blank … nothing but a blank.
My dreams and expectations are now haunting me. It’s reality — nothing but harsh reality that has made my heart heavy. I wonder how long this feeling will last.
I narrowly missed my stop and quickly got off the bus. It was pretty cold outside and I started to walk back home. My wife and kids were waiting for me, but my strides were slow and blundering. It was just a stone’s throw to reach home. I was trying to comfort myself before I reached it. Suddenly, my heart stopped feeling so heavy in my chest. But was it just vibrating? No, not my heart; Canada is vibrating with my dreams — my distant dreams!